If you find yourself in the market for a job this year, you’re likely to encounter some sensationalist job titles thanks to creative recruitment agents disguising everyday positions as fantastical – even mythical – opportunities. Here’s a collection of our favourites gaining traction in 2019…
1. Talent Acquisition Specialist (Recruiter)
Yep, the ones largely responsible for all the outlandish job descriptions in the first place. Other titles include Talent Delivery Specialists, Chief Talent Officers, Contingent Workforce Managers, Hybrid Recruiters, Talent Scouts, Talent Identification Managers and Talent Attraction Consultants… to name a few.
2. Transparency Enhancement Facilitator (Window Cleaner)
Nothing misleading here, folks! These fearless, sky-high, rope-dangling professional cleaners are directly responsible for enhancing the transparency of your office windows. Because really, who wants to stare at a computer screen when you can gaze out the window for crystal clear views of the CBD?
3. Director of First Impressions (Receptionist)
Without a doubt, front office receptionists have a big responsibility when it comes to welcoming clients, partners, board members, job applicants and potential investors. They are the first point of contact for multiple stakeholders and need to be on their best behaviour at all times – not Facebook!
4. Master of Disaster (Crisis Manager)
The title typically given to someone whose job it is to metaphorically extinguish fires and fix public relations crises.
In the case of Gordon Ballinger, however (former employee of a geographic mapping and location analysis software company), the fire was not a fire at all, but a very real and physical ice storm that hit upstate New York, leaving thousands of people without power.
Ballinger helped authorities obtain detailed maps of certain areas, then overlaid them with power grid information from the electric company to establish who was in greatest need of electricity.
5. Digital Prophet (Technology Forecaster)
This may not actually be a job outside of AOL, but it certainly exists and keeps David Shing (a.k.a Shingy) in a job, attempting to predict technology trends for the multinational mass media corporation.
Most of his working day is spent hypothesising about the future of the ever-changing online environment. Oh, the things we could think if we were paid to hypothesise!
6. Director of Fundom (Marketing Manager)
As Media Technologist Josh Dreller points out, who wouldn’t want to work for the Director of Fundom?! But would you really trust them to steward a multi-million dollar marketing budget? Too much fun and not enough adulting leads to blown out budgets and office hangovers! Striking a balance between directing and ‘fundom’ is the key to success.
7. Dream Alchemist (Head of Creative)
Companies often underestimate the amount of time Graphic Designers and creative professionals spend working in their head, which might not amount to much on paper in the early stages, but it’s these ‘dreams’ that can eventually turn into highly lucrative global marketing campaigns. For this reason, creatives should be free to have an equally creative job title!
8. Computer Whisperer (Technical Computer Cleaning Professional)
Ok, so we made this one up, but we reckon our Computer Cleaning Technicians should be called Computer Whisperers. They use patented anti-bacterial products and procedures on office and ICT equipment to address bacterial cross-contamination in the workplace, ensure optimum equipment performance, reduce ‘sickies’ and position companies as employers of choice.
Want your business to be seen as an employer of choice? Book a free computer cleaning demonstration and we’ll send one of our highly-skilled Professional Computer Whisperers your way!
9. Director of Bean Counting (Accountant)
Beans, dosh, dough, cashola, bucks, chips, moola, quid, smackeroos and wads – whatever you call the stuff, accountants make it their business to keep tabs on it – literally. The accountant stereotype does no justice for the recruitment of young, fresh talent to the industry, so if calling themselves Bean Counters spices things up, we’re all for it!
10. Software Ninjaneer (Software Engineer)
Another spectacular although deserving job title for the dexterous experts that build and fix computer software… when configuring an out of office email for everyone else can turn into a full day’s work.
11. Colon Lover (Copywriter/Editor)
Also known as Grammar Fascists or Aspiring Novelists, Colon Lovers write, edit and critique the written word. Not exactly the title you’d want on your LinkedIn profile, but it’s sure to raise eyebrows when exchanging business cards at networking events.
12. Captain Under-Appreciated (Office Manager)
The wearer of too many hats to cram into a single job title, Office Managers are some of the most under-appreciated staff around; from organising corporate wellness initiatives and office cleaners, to IT relocations and healthy office snacks, Office Managers are the masters of multi-tasking.
Perhaps this unique job title will be a reminder of this for all those under-appreciative and over-demanding office offenders.
13. VP of Idea Stalling (CEO)
While we’re sure nobody actually promotes this position as vacant, there are undoubtedly some visionary employees out there who are constantly faced with a barrage of “NOs” from CEOs and CFOs who won’t buy into their ideas. Don’t give up hope, Idea Smiths! It’s a new year… try pitching a new angle!
14. Paranoid in Chief (Chief Information Security Officer)
Originally coined by Yahoo to identify the chief of their entire cybersecurity division (internally known as “The Paranoids”) a Paranoid in Chief is responsible for the online security of a company.
This encompasses anything from health records and financial information, to intellectual property and critical infrastructure. In a global digital economy with ever-evolving threats, it sure pays to be paranoid!
15. Chief Heart Officer (HR Manager)
Being Chief Heart Officer means being in touch with the heartbeat of every single person at your company, according to VaynerMedia‘s Chief Heart Officer, Claude Silver. On an average day, she could schedule 15 to 20 one-on-one catch ups, and before arriving at the office, have sent 15-20 text messages to Vayner’s now 800+ staff – just to let them know she’s thinking about them.
16. Beverage Dissemination Officer (Barista or Bartender)
Whether it’s a Monday morning pick-me-up, or Friday arvo knock-off drop, the corporate world owes much of their energy and relaxation rituals to baristas and bartenders. With research linking three to four cups of coffee per day with longer lift span and a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes and dementia, it’s a big responsibility being a Beverage Dissemination Officer, but somebody’s gotta do it.